So I noticed this morning and last night that my usual mode of operation is either to spiral all over the place doing things - getting stuff done, adding more stuff to do, thinking about stuff, talking about stuff, generally throwing stuff all over the place in a fit of action and industriousness - and staying very still, doing nothing, procrastinating about stuff, or ignoring stuff, stopping to the point of actually feeling upset about not doing anything, while simultaneously forcing myself not to do anything, because I have decided that I need to relax and slow down.
Ha! What if I just slowed down while doing things so that I didn't have to be crazy, nor feel bad for stopping completely? What a novel idea. I wonder if I can do it? I guess my approach so far has not been to slow down, but rather to force myself to stop for longer periods in order to make up for the mad pace that I keep the rest of the time. Turns out I dislike stopping completely and I feel bad, so why do that? I also dislike having too much happening, so I could try not tackling 5000 things at once and maybe just pick one to three per day for a while.
Today, I need to do tax things. I need to tattoo Jackie. I need to talk with Earthfire and pick a date. Those three things are good enough. The rest can wait til tomorrow. Maybe I will start making this kind of list of three things each day to try and keep me in line.
What will life be like if I allow myself to just do three things each day, and no additional "obligations"? Wake up, enjoy the morning, go to work, tackle two things there, then go to Kosho class. That sounds nice. Or, work on a painting, do a tattoo, then finish a book? Also awesome. Finish taxes, follow up with a gallery show, take a yoga class? It feels easy when taken in these small chunks, with enough space to breathe and actually enjoy the activities instead of struggling against each one as it butts into the next project. Such a nicer pace than trying to do it all as fast as possible, which never works out for me anyway. I always feel behind when I approach life that way, which is silly because I get so much done.
Three things. For now, just aim for three each day. Ahhh.