Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Power of Action in Resolution

Taking action, when considered and for the right reasons, can very much calm the mind.  Today I painted the commission piece of the wolf paw and contacted the studio of my upcoming workshop to discuss moving the class to July, since it has not been filling up enough to really go forward anymore.  Both of these actions have done a great deal to still my mind, and I am feeling pleasantly removed from my usual loop of "Oh no!"

It would be helpful for me to remember that postponing effective actions is a way that my mind keeps me locked in a cycle.  If I never resolve whatever has got me going, I can keep freaking out about it indefinitely.  So if I can try to assess what actions I could take right now that would make me feel calmer about my situations, whatever they are.  I can stop panicking and worrying.

Fear of conflict has ruled me for a lifetime, and learning that not all scary actions lead to open warfare or hatred will benefit me a great deal.  I fear disappointing people.  It turns out I am afraid of the voice in my own head that remembers punishment, and the feeling of overwhelm and frustration that was constantly about my home as a kid.  But I am no longer twelve and if I disappoint people I am no longer sent into hiding to contemplate the many ways in which I am a failure.  I am no longer going to be cut off from the world for every transgression and made to suffer for other people's mistakes, too.  Sometimes, unpleasant decisions need to be made, and nobody holds it against us.  Sometimes, we hope for good outcomes and they aren't forthcoming.  It's life, not a fairytale.

Resolution is really quite nice, even when it is not what we expected.  It allows for movement again.  Now, more informed decisions can be made in the future, and I can let the past go as I release at least one of my many thought-loops.

Tomorrow morning I have many emails to send.  For now, though, I am going to enjoy a night of quiet.  It is amazing to me how different the feeling of each day is, even how different the feeling of each hour can be!

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