Saturday, December 11, 2010

Asthma and Some Space to Breathe

This season is proving difficult for my asthma this year.  I imagine it is probably a combination of having been sick at the same time as the air became very dry and cold that is causing my breathing to be difficult.  It's not so bad as to warrant using my inhaler most of the time, but it is enough that sleeping is very hard to come by, and I am feeling pretty exhausted and my lungs feel abused.

I have sometimes wondered if having difficulty breathing is a metaphor for life situations as well.  Have I been feeling like I am unable to breathe in life?  A little bit.  I continue to have lots of obligations to live up to and complete.  The few ones that I want to do keep taking second or third place to the ones that seem more important, like business concerns.  Somehow business is always the winner in my life, and it's getting old.  And I feel a bit like a jerk to admit that it's not as important as I make it out to be, especially because my work so intimately effects others lives. 

I am glad that I am taking steps to balance my work life with the rest of living.  While it is going to take me a year to implement all of the ideas I've had that will help with easing the collar around my neck, it is going to be well worth waiting for.  At least there is an end in sight for me now, where I can actually visualize a space where I am not carrying a gigantic sack of projects for an unknown community.  In a year's time, I will be working on projects that not only bring me joy but that are more cohesive with a smaller vision that can be more powerful because it is more focused.  I won't have to try to set huge examples, but only little ones.  And it is a relief.  I want work to be fun again.

Fortunately, working with my clients is fun already.  So, today I focus on them, and look forward to tomorrow being a true day off.  I plan on doing nothing of importance at all!  And that is awesome.

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